When Anger Arises
by Jennifer Tran
This poem is based on the anger I have seen over the years and how I internalize into my own anger and rage. Growing up, I internalized a lot of my anger so it is pretty rare for me to express anger. Because of this, I didn’t know how to properly express it. Anger and sadness often carries a stigma in an Asian family household especially for Asian women. That’s why I wrote the poem originally through a female perspective.
Further Notes
If you want to read more poems about anger, I recommend reading Audre Lorde’s, “A Poem for Women in Rage”. I didn’t find this poem when I first drafted this poem in Spring of 2024 when I was doing a merged poem activity in my anthropology class. However, reading Audre Lorde’s poem reminded me of how consuming my own emotions becomes when I’m angry. I also find that listening to Female Rage songs are great songs to listen to if you need to take some steam off. You can try typing in Male rage, Black Female rage and so on.
How does Anger Manifest?
Anger was when the slippers stomps on hardwood floor a little too hard
Anger was the foot stomps that trailed in and out of the house
Anger was the dishes that clanked in a domino style, echoing from the floor above
Anger as shocking, explosive tied to mental illness
Whether it's short-fused, spontaneous
or it's in a container that builds up until it combust out of a beaker
I'm supposed to be better off than those past me.
Because I feel like I am the byproduct of my intergenerational trauma
Confucius has once said when anger rises, think of consequences
But I'm no better than all of those that come before me
Anger becomes an afterthought that you don't think about until the feeling hits you.
And then it hits you again, again and again.
Like a knife that stabs, twists and burns a wound deeper than it cuts.
Sometimes you don’t feel the pain yet.
Anger is personal because each punch comes with deep fear and prolonged pain
Angry that I’m more comfortable talking back to my loved ones than keeping my mouth shut.
Angry that I let myself waste away with these missed opportunities
Angry that I allow to punch myself down to rock bottom
Angry that I can’t feel red without breaking down in tears or show ruin face
So big feelings disguise as passive aggression, frustration and numbness.
The angry voice paces back and forth
The angry voice tells me to numb and stay quiet
Sometimes I miss my younger self, who's shy and kind.
But as I got older, I understood more about my culture and the world
As I got older, I understood why people self-medicate
As I got older, I realize how freeing it is to let my anger run loose
But most times, anger must contain and be isolated before I implode
So yes,
There will be days where my anger will be short-fused, spontaneous
Or weeks where my anger is the water that boils me alive
There will be many more foot stomps, slipper stomps and clanks
More regretful sayings and more people feeling hurt by my own anger.
More tears to fight back and holding myself back
I recognize anger is a human condition that doesn’t last forever.
So today, I hope people like me realize that
They don't always need to fawn to people to maintain face
Intellectualizing anger does not mean processed emotions are forgotten.
Their anger deserves love, treated and cared for like any other negative emotions.
Let our anger guide to the values we want to pursue and the justice we seek
Let our anger shape the next generation of fierce, brave, courageous warriors
Because we will need a lot of anger to fight back.
Final Notes
I cannot tell you what is the best way to address your own relationship with anger because everyone is different. Plus those types of self discovery journeys take time to unlearn and relearn healthier habits. However there are a lot of free resources online if you want to learn more ways to address the root cause or symptoms of your rage. Here are some key words you can try to type in: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) workbook, C-PTSD, somatics, dysregulated nervous system, etc.. Exercise is a great way to release anger for many people.
Wishing everyone the best on their journey to heal and to discover.
-Jennifer T.
About the Author
Jennifer Tran is neurodivergent (AuDHD) contributor and volunteer for FAUNA Mental Health. She hopes to apply what she learns from her anthropological and interdisciplinary university courses to uplift people to open more discussions about mental health. In her free time, she enjoys going on walks, cafes and collecting stickers.
Positionality: Asian American, neurodivergent heterosexual women in her early twenties
